Recollection of Vibrations

It’s been such a journey trying to figure out this whole adult thing. I realized you shouldn’t put a time limit on learning about yourself. You never really stop learning and loving yourself. There are certain things that we all do that keeps us sane in a world full of chaos. We’re like machines or zombies just going through the motions. Some people find their escape to be at the bars or clubs every week and others may find full satisfaction working out. Whatever that passion is, lies a vibration from earth expressed in our natural behavior that we should be living and doing what ultimately makes us happy. I find peace in a couple things and it takes me some DEEP ROOTED emotion to finally get it written out.

Writing has and always will be my biggest form of vulnerability. Far too many times I set the highest expectations for myself and constantly battle my mind from what I THINK society should accept me as versus not giving a flying F*&^ about what society thinks. Writing for me has always been one of my favorite escapes alongside beating myself to death at the gym. Either way, I have to start living and being what my intuition tells me to do. Distraction is the easiest way to stray away from your goals. Ironically, as overwhelmed as I can cause myself to get, I find peace in working towards my goals. I find peace in knowing that I’m working hard towards something so unordinary, something that fights the odds. I feel borderline insane because of some of the decisions I choose to make, however, a drive just pulls me and No is not an answer I’m willing to take. I wish to continue to accomplish things that I never knew possible. My route is a lot different and I need to stop comparing my life to what is displayed on social media. It’s so easy to lose yourself in a society so transparent especially when I was probably one of the last generations to KNOW what it felt like WITHOUT social media.

My Love and Passion drive me. Keeps me sane. It’s when you want it so bad, you’re patient enough to wait and work hard at until you obtain it. Everyday I’ve been experiencing many spiritual moments and I take them all as signs and messages from God. My WANT to be successful with my dreams and goals is far less than the feeling of NEEDING to achieve it all. It’s an inexplainable magnetic feeling that makes you not want to change its course. I want to be better, be happier, be stronger, be kinder, be gentler, be balanced, be helpful, and continue to serve the greater purpose. A purpose bigger than I can ever imagine it to be.

Stay blessed my friends. Count each one. Be grateful, embrace the highs and lows in life- and I promise you, your world will change.


Time Tables of Success

Don’t compare your time table of success to another person’s time table of success….When you really just stop doing that, that’s the moment shit starts working out for you.

-Letty B (Letty Set Go–Sneak Preview)

I replayed this line over and over. It was no accident that I just happened to listen to Letty’s new podcast (formerly known as ‘Rikki Martinez’). I had the privilege of interviewing her with Lindz on The Layover Show on Traklife Radio for a special edition of Female Takeover. I was always a big fan and having met her in person and seeing how down to earth she is, I couldn’t help but be even more inspired.

I know I’ve been a little MIA in some certain aspects of my life, but deep down I’m trying to figure things out. My pace feels a little bit scattered or slow, but I think I’m just at that age where I NEED to find myself now and find the peace I long for. For as long as I can remember I’ve always felt the need to excel at everything I do and just do the best and be the best I can be at all times. As anyone can imagine that mentality and lifestyle can drive you to the brinks of insanity and even depression. We set standards so high for ourselves that it makes it difficult to just sit down and appreciate all the blessings you already have in front of you. I used to imagine and give myself a timeline for all the things I want to accomplish by a certain time or at a certain age, but it’s completely UNREALISTIC. I see that now because I see the bigger picture. It’s easy to feel low and be your own biggest critic, but if you’re able to stop and really think about what’s truly important, all the petty shit won’t even matter anymore.

I feel vibes and energy so hard that my heart hurts physically sometimes. When I get overwhelmed with any type of emotion it’s easy for me to express it and it’s almost like I have to express it without holding back. It can be a gift and a curse. So it may seem like I take these random breaks from being social or certain things, but really, how can I be me to my fullest potential if I’m not even sure what my fullest potential is yet? I need to be happy just being happy and I feel like everything will follow through after that.

I dream dreams bigger than the world itself, but yet I don’t quite understand what exactly I want to accomplish. I find the most joy in connecting with people and vocalizing my thoughts, opinions, and feelings. It’s weird because even if I try to stop wrting or tryyyy to stop being a creative person I have this itch to get back into it and once I get back I’m reminded of why it makes me so happy to do it.

I’ve never wanted to be someone I’m not. I want to make the best out of my own situation and strive to continue to accomplish the unthinkable and impossible. There are many stories and many journeys, but my own is the one I need to concentrate on. And that’s what I hate about social media. It’s easy to compare yourself to others, but that’s why Letty’s quote struck a chord so loud to me because it’s true what she says. If we stop comparing our time table of success to another’s person’s time table of success that’s when shit starts working out for us. My route may be a little longer, a little different, a little unorthodox, but hey! It’s still my story and that’s something no one can ever take away from me.

Like any other person, I have doubts. I have fears. I question whether or not what I want to do with my life is truly what I want to do. I question if what I’m doing is worth it or if I’m wasting my time trying. That’s the other thing no one can ever take away from me – at least I know I died trying. I don’t have to grow old telling myself and my future kids and grandkids, “I wonder what it’d be like if I actually did try to chase my dreams.” At this rate, I can proudly look back and say that I did try and I had the time of my life.

When you know that you got it you don’t mind proving yourself for it because you know you got it.

-Letty B (Letty Set Go–Sneak Preview)

The tears started pouring out when Letty said this. She talks about working hard and continuing to do what you do and not doubt yourself. I’ve been feeling like this lately….like why am I working so hard for and not seeing myself yet reap the rewards? I realize that my rewards will take much longer than I anticipate. I need to just do what I need to do and trust my process.

I can’t yet help the world, if I cannot yet help myself. In order for me to give the best me to the world, I need to be 200% happy with me wholeheartedly and unconditionally. Once I have accepted myself to that point, I know that the force will be unstoppable..

Thank you Letty B and everyone who has inspired me along the way. Too many to list, but you will be greatly acknowledged when that day comes and I am where I am meant to be.

Listen to Letty’s Podcast here:


So Fast, So Slow

It’s been a while since I wrote and it’s killing me because my mind is jumbled. When I am so scatter brained, the only way I can calm my state of mind is when I’m writing. That’s for the mental game, and of course I’ll hit u the gym to keep my sanity.

I’ve been living day to day feeling much more intuitive with my surroundings, myself, and the essence of life. Sometimes, I feel like time moves SOOOOOO fast, yet SOOOOOOO slow. It’s all a matter of perspective for sure. When you count the hours, days, weeks, months, years – yeah of course it dates it. When you just live in the literal moment of time, I feel like that is when you truly understand the great meaning of life.

Your heart never really heals after losing your Dad, but the heart does have the strength to grow to live life in love and beyond. At least, that’s how I’ve been feeling. I think about my Dad everyday and I always want to continue to make him proud.

There are so many things people may take for granted, like the silence you find comfort in when you’re sitting next to your best friend not saying a word to each other or all the mornings you have to wake up for work super early.

I try my best to not let the little things get to me because I know how bad things can go for me when somethings goes wrong. But that’s just it! Everything is all perspective and as I get older I am truly learning to accept myself honestly and wholeheartedly. Oh and by the way, I cut my hair. (;



Rest In Paradise Dad

December 17th was the day my life changed forever. My dad passed away and I cannot say that I don’t feel a tremendous amount of pain. It has now officially been 2 weeks since and I only feel a certain amount of ease because my dad has been honored beautifully and properly buried. I haven’t written in a long time and I feel that it’s always been the best way for me to express my feelings. There’s no amount of words that can change the way I feel, but at the same time there’re a gazillion words that can bring me some comfort.

1 of 9 prayer days. [Photo by Andrew Cordero]

1 of 9 prayer days. [Photo by: Andrew Cordero]

This Christmas was the most difficult holiday because my dad was not with us. I woke up in the worst mood and I HAVE NEVER woken up in a bad mood on Christmas Day, ever. And if you know me, I tend to treat “everyday like Christmas” – generally speaking. Basically, I tend to be or try to be a really positive person. One of the worst habits I have is keeping things inside. I can seem really put together on the outside, but deep down I’m torn apart. Balance has always been a struggle and the answer came to me while being with family and friends.

Photo by Andrew Cordero

Photo by: Andrew Cordero

Photo by: Andrew Cordero

Photo by: Andrew Cordero

Although, we understand that the circle of life consists of being born and death, once death stares at you in the face it shocks you numb. I’ve learned that my dad’s death strengthened my relationship with everyone I know, whether it be friends and family, or even acquaintances. I cherish everyone I know that much more. My dad’s death changed me and I cannot stress how all the petty things no long matter. We love you dad and we’ll miss you.

Photo by: Andrew Cordero

Photo by: Andrew Cordero


Photo by: Andrew Cordero

Photo by: Andrew Cordero

Photo by: Andrew Cordero

Photo by: Andrew Cordero

Photo by: Andrew Cordero

Photo by: Andrew Cordero

Tomorrow is the first day of 2015 and the strength, wisdom, and faith I gained has increased tenfold. I thank everyone for being there for me through the most difficult of times and even through the most joyous occasions. Cheers to the future!

Photo by: Karen Capalaran

Photo by: Karen Capalaran


Wow, has it really been that long since I’ve written anything in here? First time posting in a while and the word press set up looks different. Anyways… I thought I might take a second to reflect on what’s happened, what’s happening, and what I hope to happen.

Photo taken by Bella Graham. Edited by me.

Photo taken by Bella Graham. Edited by me.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the superficial things in society. We often spend loads of time analyzing other people’s lives through the eyes of social media. Sometimes I get so caught up in it that I start to envy others. When those crazy thoughts seep into my mind, that’s when I give myself a reality check and remind myself that I am blessed with what I already have.

Have you ever taken a second to close your eyes and sit in silence? Have you ever turned your phone off for one entire day? If you have attempted to turn your phone off, I’m almost certain you’ve experienced a tad bit of anxiety. You might feel the same way when your phone dies midday. If you don’t feel any anxiety being away from your phone, bravo! You have mastered the art of not being attached to it. But, on the other hand, many of us struggle with separating real life in real time and the “life” Online.

It amazes how some people allow social media to ruin their relationships with one another. And it greatly saddens me actually. Although, I too, at one point have made the mistake of “venting” a subliminal message. I learned that is completely unnecessary to do. What has the world come to though? I feel like everything has dumbed down so much. I obviously cannot come up with any explanation for that.

So I sit here, in silence reflecting upon my own life. I think about where I am now, compared to where I was an hour ago, yesterday, last week, last month, last year, 5 years ago, and so on. Earlier today I was reminded of how it felt when I was in elementary school in the middle of the day, just soaking up the sun. I was taking my dogs for a nice walk with JP and I just felt at peace with not having to worry about anything for just that second. We all have something we turn to when we want to “get away.” You might enjoy a novel, a movie, working out at the gym, partying, or simply just meditating. Whatever it is, it’s that moment of “peace” we crave and create. The only problem is, sometimes we don’t know how to handle the “reality” once we come back from it. Or maybe we just continue day to day living our lives just to make ends meet.

That’s probably the shittiest feeling to feel everyday. Routine. Having a routine you hate and a cycle you despise can ruin you. It can drag you deep into a hole. I’m not even quite sure where I’m going with this, but I absolutely love, but hate routine. I love all the good parts about it, like working out and eating healthy. I guess I hate some of it because I love change, adventure, and I tend to get bored easily.

So, I continue to sit in silence right now and I zone into my weird, but articulate thoughts. I’ll ramble on about life, feelings, and emotions. You might not care, you might be deeply intrigued. Either way, once again, it’s been long overdue for me to write something. I tend to do so when I’m inspired.

Being an adult is not easy, but hell, I don’t even know one person who told me it was. As I was taking that walk earlier this morning, I said that the day reminded me of recess in elementary school.

I miss being a kid. You don’t have to worry about anything except playing,

I said. Who said that we don’t have to feel like a kid as we age? Obviously, we have adult responsibilities and that “innocence” of being a kid is tarnished. I just think we’re all capable of maintaining the free spirited attitude of a kid as we age and that’s to live up to your hobbies, dreams, and basically anything that makes you happy (whatever it may be). We get so caught up in the material things and superficial things that I think we become monsters, just always wanting more. I teach myself daily just to be thankful for what I already have.

The type of mentality I’ve developed over the years might be too hard to grasp. Some may not understand why or how I am able to maintain such a “positive attitude.” Trust me when I say, it’s an everyday battle. I definitely have my bad days and I still make common mistakes. I love that I am given the chance to make something different of myself after the fact. I love that I have the ability to train my attitude and thoughts in the most endearing honest, and positive way.

I’m still learning to be more confident in myself completely and effortlessly. Sometimes, I sink back into the introvert part of myself and buckle into my security zone. I never wanted to come off as cocky or non-humble. There’s a fine line between confidence and narcissism. I think I do owe it to myself to step it up a notch and own up by being truly comfortable with myself [to myself and others].

I’m still sitting in silence, which is weird for me because I listen to music ALL the time. Probably since I have been, I’ve been wanting a break from it. I love getting lost in my thoughts and jotting it all down. It’s therapeutic for sure. Ultimately, I’ve learned to continue to channel my positivity to create the world I want to live in. It’s not an easy task, but I aim to conquer the most difficult mountains ahead of me. We can do this together if you allow it to.

Prayers, love, and peace-

Hazzle Joy

Photo by: Karen Capalaren

Photo by: Karen Capalaren

How Much Do You Believe In Yourself?

The only main intention I have is to be able to be me in my most honest state. Love it or hate it, I’ll live with it. Far too many times I often felt criticized in such a judgmental society. Those feelings can stem from strangers, but also friends and family. Sometimes, the judging is so blunt that it’s more difficult to ignore.

When have you ever taken a moment to do things for yourself? When have you sat yourself down and questioned all those feelings and concerns about what others thought about you? If you know that deep down you want to be the best version of yourself, why hesitate?

The criticism that we receive might originate from feelings of insecurities, unhappiness, stress, assumptions, and misunderstandings. I express in almost every post that I wish the world can experience what I experience through my perspective. That reality shattered when I was told, “Nobody is going to pay attention to you. Nobody is thinking about you” [in reference to how I wish I can be of an example]. It’s true.

I can write a million essays. I can make a million speeches, but at the end of the day, no one will change. What I share are my personal experiences, in which I feel accountable for sharing. I want to return the positive vibrations that were given to me. It feels amazing and I know everybody deserves to feel that way.

If we focus more on the good in others and less on the “bad” we can all start creating the peaceful world we wish to live in. Now, we all know world peace is obviously shit out of luck (excuse the pessimism, but I think that’s being a realist?). People have egos and are selfish and greedy. It’s pretty obvious. How can you be a good person in a world full of bad? I asked myself that and the answer is pretty clear.

Focus on yourself. When you cancel out all the things that weigh you down, you feel more free. As you concentrate on being a better you, everything around you naturally changes to follow suit. Now, this can be in a positive way or a negative way, it’s really your choice on how you want to feel for the rest of your life. You can sit there and cry about your complains, bash others, gossip, or drag others down with your misery or you can choose to do the opposite and lift others up. Spread Love and the Good Word. At the end of the day, no matter how many times you’ve heard it, “Mind over matter.” Those three little words can be overlooked, but in reality, your reality is what you make of it. If my life can’t be a living example then try it and prove me wrong. And then I’ll say at least we have perspective.

Do Good. Receive good.
Do Bad. Receive bad.

Believe and don’t doubt it once because the moment your fear peaks, everything you want can no longer be obtained. Every thought becomes action.

Peace and blessings.
Screen shot 2014-07-22 at 9.59.43 PM


I can’t really understand how or when the random spurts of inspiration come to me, but when the urge is there – that’s when I have to take it and run with it. Time always seems to move much faster than we anticipate. How much time are we willing to let us pass us by while wasting those precious moments on something so minor? This past weekend might have given me some inspiration. It’s hard to slow down in a fast paced lifestyle. It’s hard to stop and take a second to realize all that you’ve been through and experienced. 

What I write is far more personal to me than the pictures I post on instagram or facebook. It’s a place where I share my vulnerability. Since it’s a passion (as any of my other hobbies are) it’s personal. I haven’t found much inspiration to write anything lately, but when the urge hit me like a lightening bolt, I knew I just had to transfer that energy. Then I black out and I can’t really stop (writing that is).

I’ve been moving so fast with everything that I haven’t had a moment to sit and realize everything that has happened thus far. It’s kind of a trip though trying to build a life around something you love. I kind of don’t think too hard about what I’m doing other than doing what I love to. It’s like a magnetic connection, I’m automatically drawn to fulfill a destiny. I just want to create my art. 

I want to just keep bettering myself everyday. I may not always make the right decisions, but at least I know that I have no deep intention to cause harm to anyone. I want to keep growing. I make these mistakes to keep growing. 

I often reminisce about the past. It’s interesting to also place myself in difference perspectives. I often reflect on how I used to react to certain situations compared to how I react now. Personally, I know I’ve progressed. I found it deep within myself to do what I need to do to see progression. 

Zoning through music is my therapy. Practicing meditation. Praying. Practicing yoga stretching and breathing exercises. They all work for me. 


I’d come to terms with the word of the day, consistency. 

Ever sat and wondered to yourself of all the experiences, of all the days, of all the seconds – how did you become that person today? It is possible to sit and take in each detail. How you got to that point has made you one thing, strong. It’s easy to break down and give up, but ever tried so hard to make a change in your life for the better and improving and accomplishing become things of obsession? Another ironic thing is, you’ve wondered when you were younger how life will probably be when you get older, but to realize that things didn’t end up how you pictured at all. Then you learn to accept it, but yet strive to accomplish more. Life is nothing but the way you create it to be. You can write your own story to your favor. I learned that dwelling on those that hurt you mentally, physically, and emotionally will do nothing but bring you more down. An intense surge of joy erupts in my soul because of the way I’ve changed to view life, to view the world, and myself. Peace is everything and if you can come to terms with being at peace with yourself and one another, you can feel like you are unstoppable. 

Ever wondered who would be in your life in the future and you were once so sure that they were going to be present forever? Well, here’s why you shouldn’t think that way, the people you once spent much time with in the past, still thinks of you and you will forever share that bond with one another. Life gets the best of many people, but when you cross paths, it’s a bit of a nice feeling seeing that familiar face who you were once close with. At the increasing rate of aging, I find that it’s just easier to let go of the pain and to live life in the most positive way. Friendship and relationships with one another is another form of consistency in our life. Do the people around you influence you in the positive way? Do they encourage you, lift you up, and challenge you? It’s these type of things to consider when you’re wondering the consistency of your life.

Remember, slow progress is progress. Also, consistency is key. Just because I don’t want to overload my workload, does not mean I’m not taking the proper steps to ensure a promising future. I realize that I’m doing my best to sanely conquer each individual task. If I overwork myself, I cannot present my best work. My pace is the only pace I can go as I can respect everyone else around me as well. 

Analyze the consistency in your life and drop what needs to be dropped and strive for what truly matters. No one should ever get in your way, whether it’s things like achieving your goal body or achieving your dream career. 

Photo taken by Nikki Martinez.

Photo taken by Nikki Martinez.


Hazzle Joy


I am becoming the person I want to be. I am extremely proud of myself to be continuing the struggle and the climb. I am so thankful that He showed me the way and is continuing to do so. It is true what they say, you create the world you want to live in and I live in my dream world daily. Act as if the world is your playground. Its answers aren’t hidden too deep. My purpose hasn’t ever been so clear and today, I write about the joys in my heart.

Every moment is so full of life. Whether it be happiness or pain, that emotion has never been taken for granted. We acknowledge the details and we still manage to move forward because it’s in human nature to. Our DNA is so deeply encoded that whatever each emotion we feel is which just that, pre-destined. I might be going off on a little tangent, but it’s been a while since I’ve found the true inspiration to allow me to write again.

And boy, do I feel extremely alive again. It’s easy to get caught up in society, but when I find myself again, I am at my happy place. I am able to go and get myself back in the gym. Inconsistency always played its role, but it definitely feels good to be back. I am closer and closer to my dreams and I never want to give up. I never want to miss each step because I would miss the biggest lessons. All in all, I find a lot of peace, happiness, and love fill my world and I hope that from here on out it doesn’t fall short of that ever.