Wow, has it really been that long since I’ve written anything in here? First time posting in a while and the word press set up looks different. Anyways… I thought I might take a second to reflect on what’s happened, what’s happening, and what I hope to happen.
Photo taken by Bella Graham. Edited by me.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the superficial things in society. We often spend loads of time analyzing other people’s lives through the eyes of social media. Sometimes I get so caught up in it that I start to envy others. When those crazy thoughts seep into my mind, that’s when I give myself a reality check and remind myself that I am blessed with what I already have.
Have you ever taken a second to close your eyes and sit in silence? Have you ever turned your phone off for one entire day? If you have attempted to turn your phone off, I’m almost certain you’ve experienced a tad bit of anxiety. You might feel the same way when your phone dies midday. If you don’t feel any anxiety being away from your phone, bravo! You have mastered the art of not being attached to it. But, on the other hand, many of us struggle with separating real life in real time and the “life” Online.
It amazes how some people allow social media to ruin their relationships with one another. And it greatly saddens me actually. Although, I too, at one point have made the mistake of “venting” a subliminal message. I learned that is completely unnecessary to do. What has the world come to though? I feel like everything has dumbed down so much. I obviously cannot come up with any explanation for that.
So I sit here, in silence reflecting upon my own life. I think about where I am now, compared to where I was an hour ago, yesterday, last week, last month, last year, 5 years ago, and so on. Earlier today I was reminded of how it felt when I was in elementary school in the middle of the day, just soaking up the sun. I was taking my dogs for a nice walk with JP and I just felt at peace with not having to worry about anything for just that second. We all have something we turn to when we want to “get away.” You might enjoy a novel, a movie, working out at the gym, partying, or simply just meditating. Whatever it is, it’s that moment of “peace” we crave and create. The only problem is, sometimes we don’t know how to handle the “reality” once we come back from it. Or maybe we just continue day to day living our lives just to make ends meet.
That’s probably the shittiest feeling to feel everyday. Routine. Having a routine you hate and a cycle you despise can ruin you. It can drag you deep into a hole. I’m not even quite sure where I’m going with this, but I absolutely love, but hate routine. I love all the good parts about it, like working out and eating healthy. I guess I hate some of it because I love change, adventure, and I tend to get bored easily.
So, I continue to sit in silence right now and I zone into my weird, but articulate thoughts. I’ll ramble on about life, feelings, and emotions. You might not care, you might be deeply intrigued. Either way, once again, it’s been long overdue for me to write something. I tend to do so when I’m inspired.
Being an adult is not easy, but hell, I don’t even know one person who told me it was. As I was taking that walk earlier this morning, I said that the day reminded me of recess in elementary school.
I miss being a kid. You don’t have to worry about anything except playing,
I said. Who said that we don’t have to feel like a kid as we age? Obviously, we have adult responsibilities and that “innocence” of being a kid is tarnished. I just think we’re all capable of maintaining the free spirited attitude of a kid as we age and that’s to live up to your hobbies, dreams, and basically anything that makes you happy (whatever it may be). We get so caught up in the material things and superficial things that I think we become monsters, just always wanting more. I teach myself daily just to be thankful for what I already have.
The type of mentality I’ve developed over the years might be too hard to grasp. Some may not understand why or how I am able to maintain such a “positive attitude.” Trust me when I say, it’s an everyday battle. I definitely have my bad days and I still make common mistakes. I love that I am given the chance to make something different of myself after the fact. I love that I have the ability to train my attitude and thoughts in the most endearing honest, and positive way.
I’m still learning to be more confident in myself completely and effortlessly. Sometimes, I sink back into the introvert part of myself and buckle into my security zone. I never wanted to come off as cocky or non-humble. There’s a fine line between confidence and narcissism. I think I do owe it to myself to step it up a notch and own up by being truly comfortable with myself [to myself and others].
I’m still sitting in silence, which is weird for me because I listen to music ALL the time. Probably since I have been, I’ve been wanting a break from it. I love getting lost in my thoughts and jotting it all down. It’s therapeutic for sure. Ultimately, I’ve learned to continue to channel my positivity to create the world I want to live in. It’s not an easy task, but I aim to conquer the most difficult mountains ahead of me. We can do this together if you allow it to.
Prayers, love, and peace-
Photo by: Karen Capalaren