Zoning

I can’t really understand how or when the random spurts of inspiration come to me, but when the urge is there – that’s when I have to take it and run with it. Time always seems to move much faster than we anticipate. How much time are we willing to let us pass us by while wasting those precious moments on something so minor? This past weekend might have given me some inspiration. It’s hard to slow down in a fast paced lifestyle. It’s hard to stop and take a second to realize all that you’ve been through and experienced. 

What I write is far more personal to me than the pictures I post on instagram or facebook. It’s a place where I share my vulnerability. Since it’s a passion (as any of my other hobbies are) it’s personal. I haven’t found much inspiration to write anything lately, but when the urge hit me like a lightening bolt, I knew I just had to transfer that energy. Then I black out and I can’t really stop (writing that is).

I’ve been moving so fast with everything that I haven’t had a moment to sit and realize everything that has happened thus far. It’s kind of a trip though trying to build a life around something you love. I kind of don’t think too hard about what I’m doing other than doing what I love to. It’s like a magnetic connection, I’m automatically drawn to fulfill a destiny. I just want to create my art. 

I want to just keep bettering myself everyday. I may not always make the right decisions, but at least I know that I have no deep intention to cause harm to anyone. I want to keep growing. I make these mistakes to keep growing. 

I often reminisce about the past. It’s interesting to also place myself in difference perspectives. I often reflect on how I used to react to certain situations compared to how I react now. Personally, I know I’ve progressed. I found it deep within myself to do what I need to do to see progression. 

Zoning through music is my therapy. Practicing meditation. Praying. Practicing yoga stretching and breathing exercises. They all work for me. 

Consistency

I’d come to terms with the word of the day, consistency. 

Ever sat and wondered to yourself of all the experiences, of all the days, of all the seconds – how did you become that person today? It is possible to sit and take in each detail. How you got to that point has made you one thing, strong. It’s easy to break down and give up, but ever tried so hard to make a change in your life for the better and improving and accomplishing become things of obsession? Another ironic thing is, you’ve wondered when you were younger how life will probably be when you get older, but to realize that things didn’t end up how you pictured at all. Then you learn to accept it, but yet strive to accomplish more. Life is nothing but the way you create it to be. You can write your own story to your favor. I learned that dwelling on those that hurt you mentally, physically, and emotionally will do nothing but bring you more down. An intense surge of joy erupts in my soul because of the way I’ve changed to view life, to view the world, and myself. Peace is everything and if you can come to terms with being at peace with yourself and one another, you can feel like you are unstoppable. 

Ever wondered who would be in your life in the future and you were once so sure that they were going to be present forever? Well, here’s why you shouldn’t think that way, the people you once spent much time with in the past, still thinks of you and you will forever share that bond with one another. Life gets the best of many people, but when you cross paths, it’s a bit of a nice feeling seeing that familiar face who you were once close with. At the increasing rate of aging, I find that it’s just easier to let go of the pain and to live life in the most positive way. Friendship and relationships with one another is another form of consistency in our life. Do the people around you influence you in the positive way? Do they encourage you, lift you up, and challenge you? It’s these type of things to consider when you’re wondering the consistency of your life.

Remember, slow progress is progress. Also, consistency is key. Just because I don’t want to overload my workload, does not mean I’m not taking the proper steps to ensure a promising future. I realize that I’m doing my best to sanely conquer each individual task. If I overwork myself, I cannot present my best work. My pace is the only pace I can go as I can respect everyone else around me as well. 

Analyze the consistency in your life and drop what needs to be dropped and strive for what truly matters. No one should ever get in your way, whether it’s things like achieving your goal body or achieving your dream career. 

Photo taken by Nikki Martinez.

Photo taken by Nikki Martinez.

Signed,

Hazzle Joy

Beautiful

I am becoming the person I want to be. I am extremely proud of myself to be continuing the struggle and the climb. I am so thankful that He showed me the way and is continuing to do so. It is true what they say, you create the world you want to live in and I live in my dream world daily. Act as if the world is your playground. Its answers aren’t hidden too deep. My purpose hasn’t ever been so clear and today, I write about the joys in my heart.

Every moment is so full of life. Whether it be happiness or pain, that emotion has never been taken for granted. We acknowledge the details and we still manage to move forward because it’s in human nature to. Our DNA is so deeply encoded that whatever each emotion we feel is which just that, pre-destined. I might be going off on a little tangent, but it’s been a while since I’ve found the true inspiration to allow me to write again.

And boy, do I feel extremely alive again. It’s easy to get caught up in society, but when I find myself again, I am at my happy place. I am able to go and get myself back in the gym. Inconsistency always played its role, but it definitely feels good to be back. I am closer and closer to my dreams and I never want to give up. I never want to miss each step because I would miss the biggest lessons. All in all, I find a lot of peace, happiness, and love fill my world and I hope that from here on out it doesn’t fall short of that ever.

Universal Feeling

Ever sat down in the middle of a busy area and just listened to the world around you? Ever felt a moment pass through you, but you can’t exactly describe the feeling? There’s almost always a sense of heightened emotion whether or not they they are happy or sad. You feel so in sync with the world around you, you somewhat feel like you’re experiencing an out of body experience?

More now than ever, I put myself in a different perspective. I’ve accomplished so much more now than I realized, nor give myself credit for. It’s never been about the money, nor the superficial things. My purpose delves deeper than so and I realized I want to live more and more selfless everyday. At the end of the day I know that I want to plan for myself and accomplish my self needs. To nourish others with knowledge, one must nourish himself first. How can you preach a lifestyle you’re not practicing?

I’ve come to terms with my purpose long ago, however, all the planning and plotting never exactly ends. I know I’ve written this somewhere before that I have something I am tying to accomplish and it’s an itch that never ends. I underestimate the power of my influence sometimes, but I only hope that I evoke the positive kind. Sometimes it’s a never ending pain that I have to accomplish, worse than an infectious obsession.

I had another epiphany yesterday. The word of the Lord and Gospel spoke to me as I know it did for other folks sitting in the pews. I felt that it was time for me to follow through. I cannot scare away all the progress I’ve gained and fall back into the hole I’ve always dug myself. I Know that if I don’t step up my personal strength, then I am not meeting my true and honest potential.

Time and time again I think to myself that God sent me an angel. How is it so that I end up with a man so generous, so loving, so selfless, and beautiful inside and out. If there’s not one thing I’ve learned, it’s that hope exists. It’s alive, it breathes and creeps above the surface of a cracked pavement. It’s a matter of believing that what to come is worth waiting for. What good is the success if it wasn’t that difficult to strive for?

At the end of the day, things really do always get better. Even if life rides you out through the twists and turns like a cart on a roller coaster, the journey was always worth it. Don’t give up now. Don’t you ever.

Say No To Bad Days

I told myself I’d never have a bad day again. I wanted to take my journey to the next level by applying all my energy and time into believing and just doing positive things to progress. I wake up everyday happy. I’ve never been able to smile at myself in the mirror believing that I’m a beautiful person, but from the inside. My insides have been gushing happiness and that’s not to say it in the I’m-rubbing-it-in-your-face-type. Things are settling, but there’s always unpredictable events. The best part of being able to live day to day with no expectations is the thrill of what’s to come next. My only focuses are my priorities including my health, my living, and my career. Of course family, friends, and my relationship are among that (via ‘life’). I know that I still have tons to learn and I’m always looking forward to that next lesson. 

I concentrate so much on the positives now that it’s easy to move on from the small things that bother me. Well, just going to keep this short and simple for now. Getting really sleepy, have to get up early for work tomorrow again. (:

(6) Dear Maliah

Dear Maliah,

Greetings to you up in heavens.

It’s been somewhat of a trip. When things go great, BOOM, something happens out of no where. When things aren’t great, BOOM, something happens again out of no where, but for the better. I’ve learned to accept the situations I am in much quicker than before. I’ve learned to accept a lot of things and move forward a lot faster than before. I think that growth is coming at me so much faster than I can grasp sometimes, but for the better. I always realize the most amazing things after I give myself the hardest time. At the end of the day, I always try to look at the bigger picture. So, I found out recently that you’re going to have another sister! Amazing and Mikayla is about to turn 1 already! Wow, does time fly! I think it’s amazing that your presence catches me at the most randomest times, but it’s always when I have a moment of clarity with myself. You’re watching over all of us and I can’t help, but smile to myself ever time I feel it. Thank you for continuing to remind me of the simple beautiful things in life and also for the continued inspiration. I am forever indebted to you because I learned so much through you. I wish others were able to feel what I feel and see what I see, but it definitely has to come on their own timing. Until then, I can only express my perspective and reflect on what you mean to me and what you show me about my surroundings.

Til next time,
Love Tita Hazzle

A Whirlwind of Rainbows, Storms, & Tornados

I’ve been in such a whirlwind of events and I feel like only one thing slows me down.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m beyond happy at this time of my life. I can’t even begin to tell you where things started turning around for me. I guess I can start at the end of the 2012 era. From start it started off wrong, but as the year went by the crazy roller coaster of events began to unravel. Many moments were happy because I’ve gained so much growth within the year so far. Many moments were disappointing because society’s standards tugged at me. I still managed to slide through those struggles and meet happiness somewhere in the middle. 

2012 was the stepping stone and 2013 is the staircase I’ve built for myself and of course it isn’t quite complete. Its height is limitless and the steep increases, regardless none of it stops me from reaching the goals I’ve set for myself. I have a list of things that I want to accomplish within the next 5 years, so far 1 of the things on the list has been reached. Amazing.

When life gets so demanding, it’s hard to sit and slow the pace down. When you reach a part of your soul that elucidates complacency, nothing else really can compete. It means letting go of unnecessary feelings. Bringing nothing, but joy and happiness in your life because that’s genuinely all that you feel. Like I always say, you can’t fake the funk. When you’re happy, you don’t really need to tell anyone. Everything about your vibes will illustrate just that.

But the one thing that irks me most is the fact that many are too busy focusing on the wrong thing. I truly let go of feelings that irritate me because at the end of the day there are far bigger issues than that. I can’t live day to day with any type of animosity in my heart. I forgive myself and others often, I try to make the best of a sucky situation. 

Thus far, I’ve put everything to thought and accomplished things I never thought imaginable and it’s only the beginning. When you reach a spirituality so indescribable, nothing can stop you. Sure, I’m still feeling the effects of some negative things in life, but that’s all part of nature and after all, how else do we grow?

Sometimes others don’t get it, but I don’t push the fact that they don’t. I say my thoughts and share my opinions and leave it to them to ponder. I then lead by example with my own actions because within each others’ doubt of one another lies misconceptions and assumptions. The biggest downfall is hurting yourself in your mind of the things that aren’t really in fact, happening. I’m a victim of my own self-destruction. BUT, look at how far I’ve come. 

This is only JUST the beginning. 

Peace. Positivity. Prayers.

Live the Life you Love

Today, I aim to attempt and complete some assignments that have been pending. The busier I get the less sleep I seem to be getting. Every weekend, I try to catch up on sleep and today was a success with that. Felt pretty good. I’m unsure whether or not to be happy about that or not (getting less sleep), but for sure I am happy with where I am in my life. There’s still so much to do and see and I can’t help, but appreciate every detail that comes my way.

Lately, there have been tons of things going up and down with friendships and relationships. There hasn’t even been tons of time where I was able to catch up with many people because we’re all pretty much caught up in our priorities. Totally understandable. New friendships are developing and old ones are rekindling. And then there’s family. There’s always a lesson with the situations family encounter.

The journey is one crazy ride and I couldn’t be any more satisfied with the way things have been going. Slowly, things are falling into place.

Some people have forgotten certain things that matter in life and that is to not take each other for granted. It’s said often, but for some reason, no one wants to accept it. Just before things started turning around for me, I was in a complete rut. Patience truly is a virtue because everything that has come my way, I was patient for it. At the time I was told to be patient, I wasn’t ecstatic about the idea, but still, I manage to pull through EVERY SINGLE time.

The one thing I always felt was my calling, was to help others. The way that I wish to help others has somewhat been fulfilled already. Many have told me I’ve inspired them and to me, that makes my life complete. Everything else falls into place. I put God and my family as number one and in between that I learned to manage my self happiness and well-being. I learned that taking care of myself is VERY important and because I have been doing just that, I learned to be happy with myself just the way that I am.

A happy girl is a pretty girl. You can be the most beautiful person on the outside physically, but if you carry so much animosity, anger, and hate in your heart, it’ll destroy your beauty. Your insides will tear you apart and that’s the choice you have to live with, forever. UNLESS, you make the change you need to make. If not for everyone around you, make that change for yourself. You OWE it to yourself. You OWE it to God to not abuse the life you live and have. It breaks my heart to see how the world around me doesn’t quite get the truth. The truth that life really is what you make of it.

I’ve mended relationships with those I’ve had disagreements with. I’ve let go of the things that weigh me down. I stopped making assumptions about nonsense things. I learned to appreciate every single breathe I take down to the sun that hits me when I walk outside my door. I smile and give hugs often because that’s what makes me happy. Making others happy is what makes me happy.

The career I chase is ultimately because I want to help others. I want to influence others that truly anything is possible. Now a days if people ask me what my dream is, I respond telling them that I’m already living it. I’m doing things I wished for for a long time and before I was able to obtain it I worked hard, never gave up, kept pushing, praying, having faith, and learned to appreciate what I already have.

I am a testimony to the truth. The struggle. The strength. The struggle didn’t make me, it pushed me to move forward and everyday I take GREAT pride in the person I’ve become because I’ve come a LONG LONG way. Being extremely happy has made me feel like a beautiful person inside and out and it must be radiating because others tell me how beautiful I am. And that’s said in the most modest way. I take great pride in the work that I put into to help myself gain the GIFT OF LIFE.

If I can make a positive impact in just at least one person who reads this, than I’ve done my part. You may not believe me when I say this, but things do get better. There’s no where else to go, but up. Take care of yourself before anything else. Meditate, pray, follow your dreams, work hard, and NEVER give up. Regardless of the crappy situations you are put in, God knew you were strong enough to overcome them.

People come and go, death is never understood, hardships make us feel like shit, but take that situation and accept that you are strong enough to get over it and become a better person. Everyday I still work hard to be the best person I can be. Everyday I still work hard to better my relationships with those around me. I cannot and will not sit here and sulk in the ideas and thoughts that others place upon me. I am happy with my life and I am ready for the things to come to me. What others say or assume about me isn’t going to affect me. No one knows me better than myself and if you break down just because of what THEY say, you have tons of insecurities that you need to put to rest with yourself.

I hope that I have shed some sort of light for you because there’s always light at the end of the tunnel. Trust and believe the process. Live in pure love and you will receive nothing but pure love in return. The best part of my life is how I am able to obtain all that I have by being myself all the way. I never had to change a single thing because I could care less if anyone likes me or not, but if I show the world that I love myself for who I am, then I’m sure someone will love me just the same. Take control of your life and don’t let the small things ruin you and your good character.

Peace, Love, and Joy. ❤

Yours always,
Hazzle Joy

My Escape

It’s been a while since I’ve had the strong urge or desire to write.

I haven’t felt this distressed in my life in a long time and there are several people that are probably wondering my whereabouts, including folks that range from acquaintances to some that I’m really close to. I feel that the best way to communicate what I’ve been up to is through my writing because I don’t exactly feel like communicating directly to anybody at the moment. Being the versatile person that I am, I can switch from being an extrovert to an introvert in a second. It’s quite strange actually. There are some moments where I want to be in every scene at every moment and other days where I’d rather be a book worm cooped up in my house, hoping to not be disturbed. I am quite the expert at communication, hence my passion for trying to pursue a career in public relations.

At times, the only thing that keeps things clear for me is my relationship with God and family. I’ve never felt even more compelled now than ever to be close to my family (blood or not). I wake up with the first thought of being thankful that I have a new day to live. My mood sways from great to low, but I try to stay on top my positive game by remembering the simple things that matter.

I cannot lie. I’m a bit stressed. The job hunt after college is no joke and time and time again, sometimes, I feel like I’m not trying hard enough, yet the pace I’m moving at is the pace God has set for me. I still don’t know what I’m doing, but yet, how can it feel so right?

I aim to change the lives of those around me and little did I realize those around me changed my life. For the most part, I’m doing great, but the trials and tribulations that continue to challenge me are mind boggling. With my deepest emotions, writing is my escape. Like a singer, drowning the tunes with wonderful vocal notes or an athlete pushing his body to its limits to win a game. Writing is my art.

Writing is my escape.

I’m confused. I’m happy. I’m sad. I’m stressed. I’m grateful. I’m healthy. I’m alive.

I remember.

I remember to not stray from my purpose. I don’t want to write. I need to write. It just came to my realization that if my writing can change another’s life, in reality, my writing is mostly changing my own life.

If you feel like I’ve been ignoring you, I haven’t been. I’m trying to recollect myself because there’s something that I’m going through that is probably one of the most greatest challenges to date. Despite the emotional distress, I am confident God will pan out all the details in His glory.

IMG_20130404_024906

Planting the Seed

A little bit inspired to write today because I wanted to take the time to write about someone very important to me. I know that I always here and there mention him and I know some of you might be a little bit tired of hearing it, but I cannot help, but be extremely thankful for the man who is responsible for helping me change to be a much more positive person.

Photo on 2013-01-13 at 21.53 #2

Behind every strong individual is a person who made them that way. Through the positive influences and reinforcement of love and support, JP was able to plant a seed that enabled me to see the beauty in life. During the times I’ve been hard headed and difficult, it didn’t mean I wasn’t listening. I was always listening and I was always learning. JP and I didn’t have a “love at first sight” type of love, but years after we met and reconnected, our chemistry was undeniable. The weird part was, I didn’t even understand what it was about him that had me attracted to him. Sure, he’s a very charming and handsome guy, but the thing that captures my heart is personality. You can be the most sexiest guy in the world, but if you’re intellectually empty and we don’t have chemistry, it’s easy for me to look past the looks. Anyways, so in March, we’ll be reaching our 4 years together and a lot of the times people think we’ve been together way longer than just a couple years, kind of crazy. I think that our love is timeless and incomparable in ways that I never imagined.

Photo on 2013-01-13 at 21.53

He inspires me to be a better person everyday and everyone deserves to be inspired and loved the same way. It’s easy to fall in love, but it’s also easy to fall out of love. A lot of the times people forget why they love each other in the first place, but when you find someone and feel “in love” you’ll just know because you never doubt the love you have for each other no matter how short or long you’ve been together. Love really does conquer all, and that goes for all types of love. Love also is said in vain time and time again, a lot of folks might abuse the word love and it’s a bit disturbing. I do believe that you can love more than one person because love comes in different shapes and forms. The one person you know you want to be with forever will be the person who is your best friend and confidante, as well as your lover.

Taken sometime in 2010.

Taken sometime in 2010.

JP planted the seed of what it means to be more positive. If anyone knew me for a while, they’d know I was actually a pretty dark soul with some spurts of depression. Maybe you can even find some old blog posts reflecting the type of person I used to be. I always felt sad and hopeless inside, but JP helped me overcome my self-issues. I can tell you that being happy definitely comes from yourself and no one else. It’s impossible to love someone else if you don’t love yourself. Inside, not many knew that I was torn apart and was always at battle with myself. He helped me realize some of the most important things in life and for him I am eternally grateful.

This was taken when he first bought me my macbook in 2010 and we were testing out the photo booth.

This was taken when he first bought me my macbook in 2010 and we were testing out the photo booth.

It’s kind of weird how things come together after some things fall apart. It’s never going to be how you expect. Last year, started out way different than the way that it ended and I mean that in other aspects in my life.

Taken by Lisa Tran (LisaLinh.net).

Taken by Lisa Tran (LisaLinh.net).

Most importantly, love everyone even if you might not be too fond of them. Be yourself and love will find you unexpectedly. You will find that one person who will not only be your world, but will share the world with you. It’s a give and take feeling. You receive what you put out in the world. Don’t concentrate on living your life trying to find “the one.” It always happens naturally. Trust the process and you’re going to be alright. Remember, I didn’t wake up one day changed all in all, it takes practice and it’s an everyday process.

Taken by Lisa Tran (LisaLinh.net).

Taken by Lisa Tran in 2012 (LisaLinh.net).

Taken by Lisa Tran (LisaLinh.net). May 2012.

Taken by Lisa Tran (LisaLinh.net). May 2012.