(4) Dear Maliah

I find myself so lost. Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m doing. Whenever I feel this way I look to someone who could convince me that everything is going to be okay. And it’s crazy because even though sometimes I have no idea if everything will be okay, I still act like it will.

I don’t know what I’m doing everyday, but for some reason (whatever it is) feels like the right thing. I’m at that age who feels like a if I don’t do anything now, I’m a failure. I guess I’m nearing my mid-twenties crisis. I felt that way in the middle of college and now I’m nearing 25. It’s gross kinda. Yikes, I hate thinking about it.

But I know that all this sacrifice is worth it. I don’t want to be stuck at a dumb retail or office job. I actually really miss my tv production internship in West Hollywood. I had so much fun working there. Maybe this is the direction I want to take. Who knows. But I feel like I’m on that tough road to self discovery.

But you know what hurts? It hurts knowing that I’ve seen the world so differently now, it sucks how that I can’t get others to think the same way. Everyone just has to get it in their own eyes.

I don’t know. I’m actually sounding pretty ridiculous aren’t I? Well, if I am, then call me so. I’m writing blog letters to my 2-year-old niece (who would be what 3 now?), who’s passed last year.

I’m pretty far out my mind. Because at this rate, I have nothing, but giving my whole heart in the path God’s chosen for me. It’s so weird because I feel like nothing can stop the success I’m trying to achieve. Why do I feel that confident? I put my hands in God’s hands.

I should stop writing now because it’s been so long since I haven’t, that I’m going a little crazy here. I might actually want to do a part 2 blog post. WOWzers….

…..

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3 thoughts on “(4) Dear Maliah

  1. That was beautiful, Hazzle. Eventhough we haven’t really seen or spoke to each other since sophmore year right? I know you’re still the hardworking and dedicated person you are. I know Maliah is looking down smiling at you and I know she’s proud of you and I am proud of you as well. It seems like you have came so far and I know you are still gonna keep going because that’s the Hazzle I know. I wish you the best in your success! Take care of yourself. love you!

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