The “R” word

Relationships

Relationships intrigue me. I cannot emphasize enough how much I’ve learned about myself and what it’s like being in a relationship. Of course, before anyone actually becomes consumed as the It-item, most of us fear becoming something we never wanted to be- the couple that can never be separated. I always loathed the idea of myself becoming that type of person, to ditch the friends to spend 24/7 with thee boyfriend. While first dating JP, I admit, how absorbed I became into our relationship. We were inseparable. There was probably one only a handful of days we actually didn’t see each other. I think it’s normal at first, but within time I started realizing how important space is.

A Real Love

JP and I have been together for 2 years and 5 months now. After hitting some years, you kind of stop counting months. I always have to re-count the number of months we’ve been together. I’ve never been in a full-on real relationship like the one I’m in with JP. What I mean to say is that I never dated anyone longer than about 5 months before him and I considered them “puppy love,” something completely far from what it means to be in an actual relationship. I remember blogging a post about the beginning of this year, how troubled our relationship was and just how easily annoyed we were with each other. Being in each other’s faces 24/7 could definitely backfire and turn into something negative. I don’t regret the tough times and I’m not implying that we won’t have anymore of them, because like any normal couple, those things will happen time and time again. The key is overcoming them. How we grow from those arguments. My thing is, I always want to make sure we put closure to an argument and it helps us in a way to recover from the event that just happened. Not only do we put an “end” to the argument, we make sure that for future reference we do something different or handle a situation differently in order to avoid a catastrophe. We always own up to our mistakes and apologize if we know we did something wrong. JP and I are brutally honest with each other, but I’m much more sensitive with more things than he is. I know I push his buttons and he blows up like a ticking time bomb. And boy, is that time bomb dangerous. But don’t worry it doesn’t escalade to anything physical, but just the fact that he turns into a different man when he’s mad and I have nobody to blame but myself at those times. I definitely can say the same about myself. I am a Gemini! At the end of the day we know that we love each other to the point that we know it’s worth going through the arguments and learning from them.

Space

Lately, a lot of my time has been spent with friends and some family. I know that those times I spend without him are healthy because having a life outside of our relationship is part of maturing and a part of growing. I know that even though we got together quickly, we know how to give each other that space. I always respect GNO (girls night out) and encourage JP to have a guys night out thing. I’m glad that JP is the type of boyfriend to not hold me down or feel guilty for wanting to go out. He never complains and he always understands when I need my time with my family or friends. It’s important to know that he is completely secure and confident. His trust is vital and it’s the biggest part of why our relationship works out. I have to reiterate the fact that we’re not perfect because I don’t want anyone to get that impression from us. Trust me we bicker and annoy each other like any human being. But the way we handle ourselves is what makes us different than others. There’s no need for comparisons, just an idea of why and how things work for us. I can always only speak for us. The space that we have away from each other only heightens our excitement for when we are together and makes that moment much more special. Cherishing and being appreciative follows and things flow.

The Depth of a Relationship

When describing the depth of a relationship, I’m referring to the amount of days, weeks, months, and years accumulated. The longer you are with a person, the easier it is to forget that new-couple-like-feeling, also known as the “honeymoon phase.” Notice fresh couples tend to be more PDA-ish with each other and older couples are so comfortable that they barely touch or look at each other? Spontaneity is very important in keeping an older relationship fresh. I always felt like JP and I try to always keep things fresh and are always trying to do things for each other to remind us of what we mean to each other. The crazy thing is I still get butterflies thinking about him and when we do things with each other. I love dates. Dates are very important, I think especially when it comes to married couples. I am such a cheeseball and love dates with all the romantic gushy stuff. We both agreed that we never believe in the “D” word (divorce) and we take marriage quite seriously. But the reality of that is, “Life Happens.” Left and right, you see couples divorcing and it’s a scary thing to imagine. I can’t say what’s going to happen in the future, but I can take what I have in the present and roll with it.

Learning Process

The most important thing that I take from our relationship is the learning process of it all. It will forever be a learning process. Because of him, I know that I want to be a better person. I haven’t changed, I don’t want to change, I’m not going to change- but I do want to better myself for myself. He opens my eyes in perspectives I’ve never seen before and it’s always interesting and insightful to learn something new. I take this relationship thing as an exercise to expand my horizons as a person. Sounds pretty extreme, but I know what I’m in for. I know we’re truly down for each other and the love that grows and grows is the most remarkable feeling in the world. I know that we’re always going to have to remember that we’re still learning about ourselves and each other.