I know I know, I said I’d get some school work done, but we don’t even get enough time in a day to get all the things we need to get things done. And this topic has been itching my mind for quite some time now.
After some time of continuous, ridiculous, non-senscial arguments, I have concluded with this theory explaining the reasons why things have become the way they have (yes, pertaining to those arguments). I felt like I cracked the “code.” I mean, I can only speak for myself and my relationship with my boyfriend, so don’t take it as a general assumption for all the other couples in the world. BUT if you’re looking to shed some light in communication areas within your own relationship (doesn’t have to be just bf/gf), I assure you that this post might actually be of some benefit to you, whether or not we’re in the same situation(s).
It’s been a couple weeks after hitting our 2-year and these past couple of months consisted of petty arguments, mostly due to miscommunication. We started realizing that “We don’t see eye-to-eye anymore.” But the funny thing is, that’s exactly it! We see exactly eye-to-eye, we just didn’t realize that we’ve been an influence in each other’s behaviors, negative and positive alike. So My theory is that we have been on bad terms on and off with each other because 1. we’re impatient and 2. we’ve taught each other to act the way that we do. There might be more to that list, but I’m just going off what I’m thinking of right at this moment.
Throughout our relationship, I would say that JP was the one who was more positive than me and I tend to be a “debbie downer.” Don’t get the wrong impression of me though, I’m not entirely like that, just on my bad days. I tend to overdramatize my situations, why? I have no idea, I just am overly passionate with the things I care a lot about. Anyways, so now that at this point in our lives we’re reaching a stage where a lot of things may be changing. Personal life changes that occur individually for us can affect our relationship altogether, whether or not they are good or bad.
We’ve always had strong communication with each other, but it isn’t until lately that we’ve become impatient with each other. We get easily frustrated because we feel like the other is not paying attention or disregarding the important part of the conversation. Or we could simply be on some sort of disagreement with something. But we all know that everyone will disagree with one thing or another, even in relationships. People won’t always agree with the same things all the time. We know that’s inevitable.
So going off what I was saying about him being positive… In the past he told me that he would easily be taken advantage of and he never stood up for himself to his ex-gfs. So with me, when he gets frustrated and feels like I’m attacking him, his reaction is to be a jerk back only to defend himself. I gave him the confidence or influenced him to be able to stand up for himself. Instead of being patient with me or let me know in a civilized manner about how rude I’m being, he just blows up. That’s where the “fight” would start. I don’t tolerate bullshit, and yet with my attitude, he’s learned to not tolerate my bullshit either. I don’t respect what he’s said in the past or what he’s done to hurt my feelings, but I do respect that he has it in him to defend himself. In reality, I’d rather him bitch at me then be extremely passive and let me step all over him because I don’t want to be dating a man who’s too weak to say what’s on his mind. I’d rather have him speak up. As painful as some of the shit is, I’d rather have him approach it differently though, rather than say things he probably doesn’t mean. It’s a life-long learning process. So these things are never ceased.
So that was the influence I had on him and the influence he’s had on me was the positivity note. For a while, I’ve struggled with accepting myself to the full extent. He told me he loves himself and is in love with himself in a non-vain way. I was the one who was struggling with loving myself. Of course people need to love themselves first before loving others. So in a sense, I felt like since he loves me for me, flaws and all, he’s helped me deepen my love for myself.
I think I lost my train of thought. So if I have anymore thoughts on this subject, I shall add them later!