The last couple weeks of sleep have been so disturbing that sometimes I’m afraid to shut-eye. Weird situations with familiar real-life people, turning out to be some possessed creature. I usually wake up frantically, almost crying after saying a prayer in my dream. The most recent nightmare freaked me out so much, I was litterally (in my dream/thoughts) screaming a prayer, “Angel of God,” to wake up from this horrid nightmare. It was really scary. I was interrupted from finishing the prayer. I could never exactly make out what they were trying to say or what they were trying to do, but it’s almost as if it’s just trying to scare me.
If anyone knows what this all means or thinks let me know because it’s super scary.
I don’t know what’s going on here, but I’ve never lost faith in God. I just lack going to church.
“Don’t let this be the last time you go to church,” was the advice given from catechism instructors after receiving my confirmation. And unfortunately, I haven’t been to church in so long. I don’t act on the urge to go, which is really sad. I’ve grown up Catholic and has always been active in attending mass with my family. It’s a little disappointing that I don’t go anymore and I’m not going to lie, I miss it. Being away from my family means I’m not forced to go anymore, but it’s hard when you’re with someone who isn’t really willing to go with you every Sunday. 😦 What I do know, though, is that I eventually will get married in a Catholic church and will raise my children Catholic. I need to find more motivation to get myself to go.
So with Lent coming up, I’m going to find the strength in me to give up rice. I know that it’s a big deal to give this up because as a Filipino, we eat it religiously and it’s hard to eat main filipino dishes without it. 😦 But the main reason I want to give it up is because I want to watch my health. Lately, I’ve been portioning the amount I eat (or try to, at least). I am diabetic prone and already have am diagnosed as glucose intolerant, which is the next step to diabetes. My doctor said that I am not overweight and I am healthy, so it’s mostly genetic causes. It really sucks. I haven’t been committed to eating and dieting correctly, and I haven’t even checked my sugar in a really long time. 😦 So I should really watch what I’m doing because all my choices and decisions now can effect me in the long run and I do want to in the future, give birth to healthy children.
I turn to God to give me the strength and guidance for living a healthier lifestyle. Let’s goo!!!