Steady Flow

Wow, I’ve completely abandoned my blog here. I was too busy with hyped blogs like tumblr. So, I know many times before I’ve deactivated my facebook and Twitter. I think this time my twitter is actually permanently deleted. The feature that allows you to log back on it is gone and I don’t know if I wanted to create a new one. I won’t at least any time soon. I logged on to my adium and it automatically signed me back on fb so now it’s reactivated. -__- but oh well. I’m just not going to touch it. What has this world come to? For the constant need to be socially connected via internet. I’m over it all. I deleted my tumblr and come to think of it, it’s such a waste of time. I like the easiness of the blog site, but I feel like there’s not legitimate content besides constant reblogs of photos. I’ve seen so many of the same reblogged photos, I’m just over it. As for my life. There’s so much going on right now and it’s super interesting to read what I wrote on this site in the past entries. Not so much has changed, but at the same time, a lot has. Weird. I know.

Man, do I feel like such a bitch. Ultimately, life’s pretty good right now, but I can’t help but stress over the little things. Like not having a car or a job. Yeah I picked up my first internship in West Hollywood for a small production company, but I just feel like there’s a lot of this “hustling” I have to get used to. I take the train and bus from Paramount when I can’t get a ride over there. It’s pretty easy for the most part, but stressful waiting and trying to beat the crowds. It gets pretty busy.  A lot of people utilize public transportation and I don’t blame them. It is somewhat convenient, but we all know I’d rather have my own car. Sometimes it beats traffic and gas prices. But still it is a different feeling. Instead of feeling unfortunate, I should look on the brighter aspect of it because I am fortunate to be find a way to do what I need to do.

Anyways, I didn’t even get to what I was talking about, feeling like a bitch. Today’s our 2-year Anniversary and I was taking out my grouchiness on JP. 😦 I really don’t mean to, but I guess my selfishness got the best of me. I don’t know. It’s just that sometimes, I feel like I want the whole sha-bang yeno? Like I see all these cute things that couples do together and I feel a little jealous because I wanted it all. Not for show, but ultimately because it’s worth it. I don’t know if that makes sense. I feel like a hopeless romantic and my expectations will eventually kill me. And it’s weird because I’m dual-minded when it comes to the topic. One minute, I don’t care about anything and the next I want it all. I really don’t know how to explain myself. But in the end, I’m thankful for having such good people in my life. I hope that things will turn around tonight. Monday-Friday are tough days for me. Waking up at around 6am and I even get so exhausted at the end of the day that I want to sleep at around 7 or 8pm. I got a ridiculous amount of sleep last night and I still woke up a little late. But it’s because I was heavy dreaming again. 😦

So even though I don’t have an audience for this blog, I’m okay with that. I feel like this is the best way for me to express myself, my feelings, my thoughts. Just an escape from reality for a minute.

So right now I have a break until 3:30pm and I will try to catch up on readings and what not. Other than that, I’m so proud of myself that I haven’t ditched any of my classes thus far into the semester. Amazing I know. I know I’m doing pretty good in them too. I feel so much more focused as I reach the end of my college semesters. I’ll be graduating this fall of 2011. I’m deciding to walk spring of 2012 though and I was debating if I should this spring, but I don’t really have money anyways, I’m sure it’s not free to get the gown, etc. I feel like this blog needs so much update. For now, I’ll leave it at that.

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