Sometimes I think I need to seek professional help. I swear my moods and emotions are uncontrollable. I have a long “patience.” But it’s not right. It’s more of this thing I do where I hold things in and let it go, but it stays inside within me and just builds up like a snow ball and then it explodes out of now where. It’s not good I know. And it just hit me that I think I’m bipolar. I swear one minute I’m good and then the next I’m super annoyed and angry. Usually there is a trigger, but I don’t know anymore. I always go back and forth with irrational and rational thoughts. But it’s getting to the point where it’s tearing me up inside and I don’t know how to deal with it. The thing that scares me the most is that I don’t want to push people away and lose those that I love. Sometimes, I don’t know where the annoyance is coming from and I just want to blow off on the person closest to me. Sometimes, I think I am a burden to others and feel like they are better off without me.
I absolutely hate fake people. I told myself I wouldn’t be so much “MIA” this time around, but sometimes I think there is something I find consoling about being alone. Like I just push the world farther and farther away from me so they won’t see my weakness. In all reality, I am probably more weaker than you think. I hate that people make me feel inferior to them when they have no right to make me feel that way. I hate people judging me, hating on me, disliking me, etc. for no gahdam reason. But we are always going to come across those kinds of people in our lifetime. But you know what, I have better things to do in my life than sit here and feel utterly ridiculous about the things that are going wrong, because YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME as I AM OBVIOUSLY NOTHING TO YOU. YOU’RE a bitch and I’m going to be a bitch to you too. Fuck you.