I am completely awake right now. Has to be because I took a nap at JP’s while I was waiting for my clothes in the laundry to be finished for almost an hour? maybe an hour and a half? Crazy how things are right now. Everyday catches me by surprise. Even just days before me, I never would have thought things would be the way they are now; at all. I’m completely and utterly living life fully. It’s definitely a trip. Just when you think you know the direction your life is going, BAM! it hits you smack in the face outta no where, sometimes good, sometimes bad. BUT either way it happens. And the way it happens is the way you LEAST expect it! Unusually catches you by surprise. Bites you in the ass and you didn’t even see it coming. BUT, that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad thing at all!
Just some thoughts to kill or put out there while I’m up anyways. It’s like 2:03am. WOW! My baby sister is now 18! This year has been the year I’ve been anticipating for a long time. It’s definitely a year to look forward to because my sister just hit the big 1-8 and I’m hitting the big 2-1 on May 22nd! What a freakin trip! I still remember my high school days like they were yesterday! Oh man!
Fast forward to the present, yo. You know one of the greatest things of how I live my life is allowing myself to make risks and do the things I want to do because I know that life is really short. Everyday I try and try to not take things for granted. Even though I sometimes don’t make the best of decisions, I still know that I will do things without regretting. It’s one of the most important ways to live life. What fun is it if you just don’t do what you want? As selfish as that sounds, it’s kinda true. Being happy is key to living life and the key to living life is the key to be happy! If that makes any sense at all. And I’m talking about everything in general!
So I told myself not to have expectations. I still don’t have any expectations. AS CLICHE as this sounds, I really want to say that He is a big blessing in my life. I’ve never ever been treated the way he does. And it’s undeniably real. I can’t say that anyone that puts the time that He does with me and effort, I must say is definitely showing something. Even though you can’t understand life most moments or understand why things go the way they do, sometimes, it’s just about living it and not thinking too much about it. Ironically, I’m one of the fattest analyzers there is out there. For the first time, I really just let things happen. I really just made sure that I took the saying, “Go with the flow” in its literal sense. And also, that saying, “Patience is a virtue.” Wow, sometimes good people don’t get what they deserve in the beginning, but eventually, if you are patient enough, it will come. I used to haaaate being told to be patient, but it all worked out for the best. I couldn’t have asked for anything better! The standard is set so high now. The greatest thing about it, is if things didn’t work out, I’d still never regret anything. “Better to have loved and lost then to have never have loved at all,” is that how that saying goes? Never have felt so high in my life, and I mean that in the most metaphorical way. The closest thing I can say about how I feel right now is that I’m falling. Sure enough, I was falling since day 1. Time cannot be the essence of how you fall for someone because people have their own pace with things. No one can compare to each other. It is what it is. Unquestionable, undeniable, undoubted, and irreplaceable. Taking a risk is always a thrill. Taking a risk, puts you at stake with your heart. Taking a risk is putting yourself in a vulnerable situation. But the greatest thing about it is taking that risk in the first place. Because you figure things out without “what ifs.” Although, we still have so much in life to learn about, it will always continue to be a life long learning process; no question about that.It’s a trip because I don’t even have ANY money whatsoever. I’m stressed with financial issues, but everything seems to be okay in the end. I have an unconditional and loving family, I’m being educated, I have wonderful friends, I have an amazing boyfriend, and I’m healthy. I know that I have everything in the world that anyone could ever ask for. Last year people have asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I said “Nothing, because I have everything anyone could ever ask for.” I may not be the richest person in the world, but I feel like I am the happiest. Which concludes, that money doesn’t bring happiness. Oh and can I mention that I am ALWAYS appreciative with everything that he does. I feel so lucky. I’m a simple person, who’s never asked for too much. He always goes above and beyond what I need. Words will never express my gratitude and appreciation!
What is present, is having no care in the world, but to be with each other. What is present is having no other reason to frown. What is present, is being able to accept all of each others’ flaws. What is present is an understanding. Feeling like there’s no other reason in the world not to be together. Never having felt a feeling such as that before. What is present is never ending laughter, never ending fluttery stomach, never ending story telling brown eyes, never ending hugs, never ending kisses. Hopefully the feelings are never ending. BUT NO jynxing! Definitely will just say, LIVE for the moment, live for the laughter, live for the love of life, live for it all.
You never cease to amaze me.