For some reason..

Yay! One Tree Hill is back ! Watching it right now.

Hmm. Okay so like, for some reason, my mind’s been all over the place lately. I don’t know what exactly is wrong with me. I think because for so long I’ve always felt like I’ve always had things under control, but now I don’t even know what I’m gonna do with myself. I’ve been jobless since December and I feel like, there’s no hope in trying to find a job with this economic crisis going on. UGH. That feeling is arising again, I feel like everything is just falling, blah. I know life isn’t and will never be perfect. I just hate that feeling of feeling so helpless. I’ve always felt so independent. And I hate that I don’t feel like that at all right now. I guess the most I can do right now is concentrate on school, but having no money is not a go. =/ It’s crazy because I can be so optimistic when it comes to other people, but I’m not that way at all when it comes to myself. I can’t help it.

For some reason, I’ve been feeling really bleh. Like pissy. I don’t know why, I just feel annoyed. Maybe, could be, the fact that I’m dead fukn broke right now. UGH. But the positive aspect of it all, I’m alive, healthy, I have pretty much everything I need to keep me happy right now. I shouldn’t put myself so down at times, but that’s just way it is. I can’t help that I am that way. I’ve done so much growing within a short amount of time. It’s pretty crazy. Sometimes I don’t like the person that I’ve become.

A lot of the times I feel like I’m not exactly the person I portray myself to be. This front. A front that makes people see me a certain way. Lately, I’ve been “MIA.” I kinda like it lately. I just like doing my own thing sometimes. How can people miss you, if you don’t leave sometimes. Haha. I do miss a lot of people though. Things change I guess. I guess I’ve changed. For reasons I cannot comprehend.

On a brighter note, He’s amazing. For so long, I’ve always wanted a person just like him. Words could never justify his beautiful existence. As corny as it sounds, it’s true. I was afraid to let my guard down, but I did. Because I’m a risk taker. I don’t regret anything and I wouldn’t in the future. People always told me patience is a virtue. And damn, I can’t believe it’s true. I never expected anything to happen, if anything I ALWAYS expect the worst. Which seems to work out because things turn out better than expected, if it were so.

..to be continued..

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